The Jenny and Sara Road Show!

The Triangle Land Conservancy (TLC) hosted their "Wild Ideas for Getting Outside" Expo on March 9.  Jenny and I were invited to have a table at this event. Over 200 guests from all over the Research Triangle showed up to learn about innovative ideas for safeguarding clean water, protecting natural habitats, supporting local farms and food, and connecting people with nature.  I would be hard pressed to think of a more beautiful way to connect with nature than to "go green" at death!  I have been in conversation with TLC for almost two years now, holding out hope that at some point a beautiful parcel of land will appear which can be used for just this purpose.  

There was the usual full spectrum of reactions when people approached our table:  the "I see that, but it says DEATH on one of the books, so I'll just keep walking" or the inquisitive "what does that mean, 'green burial?'" to the shocked "is that LEGAL?" And I swear, if one more person had come up to us and said, "Have you heard that you can get buried and become a TREE??" I was going to scream!  Whether it's the burial pod, or the mushroom suit, or a coral reef ball, they remind me of PET ROCKS. What the heck is wrong with just going naturally...in a simple shroud or a plain pine box???  Mother Nature will take care of the rest!  

Time to hit the road again...

RETURN OF THE BODY SNATCHERS??

Whew!  Who could imagine that North Carolina would be such a hotbed of activity where consumer funeral rights are concerned??!!  While I can't say my phone has been ringing off the hook, I have had a fair share of phone calls related to these issues.  Two came within a week of each other, prompting me to contact both the National Home Funeral Alliance (NHFA) AND Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA) headquarters.  Both concerned a daughter or son's rights to their mother's bodies at death.  
While one mother is alive and in an assisted living facility, the daughter was told that upon her mother's death, she would be required to use the services of a local funeral home for transport of the dead body.  In fact, the daughter has since informed said assisted living facility that they are dead wrong (pun intended), and that she will transport her dead mother herself to a funeral home located elsewhere within the state for final disposition.  That's right, folks.  There is no state law that prevents you from gaining next-of-kin custody and control of your dead loved one.  
Case #2 involved a major hospital which refused to release the son's mother to him because she had undergone an autopsy.  HUH?  Despite repeated encouragement from me that a)his mother's dead body had no doubt been "closed up" post-autopsy and posed no threat to anyone and that b)the several states he would travel through to get his mother home to her final resting place had no embalming requirements, the hospital kept citing a "policy" which forbid them to release his mother to him.  During his second attempt to reason with the hospital administration, not only did they never produce this policy, but they ended up calling the police on this grieving man!  In the end, he was forced to call a mortuary service to retrieve his mother, have her embalmed (!), and then pay for her flight to the state where she would ultimately be laid to rest.  This was a flagrant injustice, changing the son's ability to transport his mother without embalming and also delaying burial plans.  Again, both the NHFA and FCA national headquarters strategized on how to compel the hospital to change their practices and stop denying families the right to custody of their dead.  
Both of these incidents led to the creation of the following document, "What to Do When Families' Home Funeral Rights Are Challenged."  
So beware any attempt by hospital or assisted living facility officials to tell you that you cannot take your loved one when they die.  These folks may tell you that it's their POLICY, or try to insist it's against the law, but they will not be able to provide a legal statute number.  No policy trumps a family's right to take charge of their loved ones at death.

The 11th Commandment

I am so inspired by Anne Weston, a recent acquaintance, who is hell-bent on establishing a green cemetery in this part of the state!  A few weeks ago she had reached out to Jenny, my dear friend and home funeral guide mentor, to see if they could meet for lunch to discuss said green cemetery. Jenny then phoned me to ask if I could join them.  Guess you figured out the answer to THAT question....  We had a very lively discussion for two hours, Anne all the while flipping through her 3-ring notebook where every sub-topic imaginable having to do with green burial was neatly arranged. She has an accountant, a realtor, and an attorney in her back pocket.  We hear you, Anne, and we have your back!  Let's get 'er done!  
I finally had to ask what the inscription tattooed on her arm meant.  See, back in high school, much to my parents' and principal's chagrin, I opted to take Home Economics rather than Latin.  I still can't sew, although I can cook without following a recipe.  But I need help with this classical language.  "It means 'do not be afraid,'" Anne told me.  "And this is something I strive to remember and practice because I'm an introvert. Doing this work takes courage.  For me, it's like the 11th Commandment because I am trying to lead others to live more fearlessly regarding their death."  
Amen, Sister.  NOLI TIMERE.  DO NOT BE AFRAID.  

Digging in THE DIRT with the Triangle Land Conservancy!

Thanks to Hannah Shapiro, Intern with the Triangle Land Conservancy (TLC), for this interview! This is from the TLC Blog, THE DIRT. 

 

A Conversation about Green Burials with Sara Williams

Hannah Shapiro  February 13, 2016

A few days ago, I had the opportunity to speak with Sara Williams, an advocate for green burials. I was a bit nervous to talk with her because death isn’t something we talk about. It’s one of the very few guaranteed aspects of life, yet the subject is too often avoided. Sara’s goal is to change that trend, to get people to talk about death and to figure out the best and most environmentally friendly plans for when we die.

In high school, Sara was told that she was obsessed with death by a classmate, and she’s embraced that idea since, “but not in a macabre way.” She recalled her first experience with death; as a child, she attended a funeral for one of her school friends and thought, “that’s not him.” As Sara sees it, we’ve lost the ability to take care of the people we love the most in our conventional ways of dealing with death.

“There’s something wrong with the way we bury people, we’ve sold our souls to the funeral industry.”

Sara reminded me of the nearly unbelievable cost that it takes to have a funeral, an enormous stress to families that are going through the death of a loved one. She affirms that the traditional way of dealing with death in our country is both a social justice problem and an environmental problem.

Sara believes that individuals should have a choice about what happens to their bodies after they die, whether it’s a traditional burial, cremation, or green burial. And her goal is to educate people about the impacts that their decision may have on the environment.

In a conventional burial, the embalming process releases numerous chemicals, including formaldehyde, into the environment. In this process, hardwood, steel, and concrete vaults are also buried in the ground. Because of this, Sara said many people decide, “I’ll just be cremated,” without really thinking about it and understanding what that means for the environment. Along with the immense amount of mercury and other toxins that our bodies accumulate throughout our lives, emissions from the fossil fuels used in cremation each year in the United States could drive a car to the moon and back 84 times.

Green burials are a way to avoid burying toxic chemicals in the ground and releasing immense amounts of fossil fuels and toxins into the atmosphere. In this process, the body is placed in a shroud or pine box and buried naturally, without the chemicals, vaults, concrete liners, and expensive hardwood or metal caskets.

In 2014, Sara became a board director with the National Home Funeral Alliance after attending a conference in Raleigh. She also started her local Death Café, which she says isn’t a support group, but rather a place where individuals come together to have conversations about death and dying.

Now, Sara works with families that want home funerals to help them, “reclaim the sacred tradition of caring for our own.” She told me about the first time she helped somebody take care of the one that they loved, to fulfill a mother’s wish to be buried naturally, in a pine box in the Shenandoah Valley. She remembers how tender and beneficial this process was for the grieving daughter, and how important it can be to embrace the work of caring for our dead instead of running away.

Sara is looking forward to retiring this summer to spend more time with her young granddaughter, and she is eager to continue advocating for green burials. There are only three cemeteries in the state that offer green burial sites (all hybrid). The first conservation burial ground opens this spring in Mills River, near Asheville. She says people in the area often ask about it and her hope is to help find a space nearby for those who want a green burial.

In looking for options in the Triangle region, Sara has approached TLC as a potential partner. TLC is always open to creative conservation strategies and thus, staff and board members are taking time to learn more about green burials and how they may fit into TLC’s conservation mission.

In emails following our conversation, Sara shared something that her good friend, Bill Gupton, likes to say.

“Our Western culture desperately declares, at every possible opportunity, that human beings are somehow separate from, somehow elevated above, the natural world. Yet deep inside, all of us know that is simply not true. And modern science confirms what native people have told us – that we are inextricably woven into the fabric of all existence. You come from stardust. You, and I, are connected. Wouldn’t it be incredible to be able to bury your loved ones – to be buried, yourself – in a truly traditional human way? To return to the earth, to become part of the natural cycle once again.”

Bone(s) of Contention!!

I recently read a blog post where the author opined that all the death and dying conferences she was attending were being held purposely to coincide with Halloween! Oh my, I thought. This woman actually saw me at the National Home Funeral Alliance conference in Los Gatos, California in early October...and she thinks I'm part of this "Halloween factor!" As someone who was indeed decked out daily in an array of skirts, blouses, leggings, scarves and such sporting colorful skulls, it didn't have a thing to do with Halloween! Au contraire. My favorite day of the year is November 1st when we can finally put all of this Halloween nonsense behind us! Better yet, November 1st is All Saints Day when many folk around the world pause to remember their beloved deceased and may, like me, host a Day of the Dead party for this very reason. My wearing skulls signifies that I am comfortable with death, and it never fails to engage people in a conversation about same. Oh, I love the skulls, “dem bones,” our enduring sticks. And the thought of Halloween and all its concomitant stupidities never crosses my mind when I go to grab a skull-adorned piece of clothing from my closet! And I grab and wear my skull clothing twelve months a year!!!! Heck, every day is a good day to wear skeleton/death positive clothing and jewelry because when you think about it, in the traditions it is derived from (Latin, African, and others) it represents a close connection with one’s Ancestors, and a sense of unity with death.
In the art world, the skull is a memento mori, a reminder that in life we are in death. We should bone up on this fact, living as well as we can, perfecting our moral character, working our fingers to the bone for the common good. (I'm on a roll here....)
And, I actually think what I'm channeling below is one "bad to the bone" obit picture!! I mean, I just feel that in my bones....

KEEP CALM AND FILL OUT THE NEXT FORM!

I recently presented a program at my local hospice about home funerals and green burial. The folks in attendance were extremely attentive and shared fascinating stories of their own.  As you can imagine, when you are working with death and dying on a daily basis, you quickly build a repertoire of stories.  No one decried anything I said; rather, they were eager to keep the conversation going about all aspects of both home funerals and green burial.  I was on a roll! We covered the difference between law and policy, health precautions to take when keeping a deceased love one at home, the environmental impact of our conventional funeral practices, legal matters, and paperwork.
Then a hand was raised.   "Are these forms posted on your blog so we can see them?"  Gulp.  I quickly added, "Not currently, but I will be sure to get this done so that they will be available and you will be able to see what needs to be completed."
Here are the forms you will need to complete:
~ Notification of Death
~ Certificate of Death
~ Burial Transit Permit (ONLY IF TAKING BODY ACROSS STATE LINES!)

In the state of NORTH CAROLINA (check your own state laws regarding this required paperwork!), you may act as your own funeral director.  If you do this, you must notify your county health department of the death within 24 hours and then arrange for a death certificate to be filed within five days with the registrar of the county where the death occurred.  

It would be a good idea to talk in advance with your county staff to find out what steps you will need to take, whom to contact, and how.  Tamma Hill is the Field Services Manager for North Carolina Vital Records and will be happy to reassure any county workers that might be hesitant to work with you.  You can reach her directly at 919-792-5832 or tamma.hill@dhhs.nc.gov.

Be sure to talk to the physician who is taking care of your loved one, and let them know of your plans to act as the funeral director and to claim custody of your loved one's remains until final disposition.  It helps if you have power of attorney for health decisions since that grants you clear authority to make decisions regarding the care of the remains.

You and your family or friends may legally transport the body.  If you remain within the state of North Carolina, you do not need a burial transit permit unless 1) the body is under the care of the county medical examiner (this could happen if death was suspicious or unexpected) or 2) you plan to carry the body across state lines.  You can easily fit a pine coffin or cardboard body container (or just have the body wrapped in a shroud or favorite family quilt!) in the bed of a pickup truck or in a minivan with the rear seats removed.  Here is the burial transit permit for North Carolina:

I love giving presentations of this sort and am looking forward to providing more education on this subject in the future!

Molte Grazie, Guglielmo Marconi!!

I suppose we have come a long way since Marconi's first public radio transmission in 1896!  And in our fast-paced world of lightning-quick communications with Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and email, it is hard to believe that there are still lots of folks who listen to talk shows on the radio. On AM stations.  In counties where there are lots of small towns and cities.  
As my friend and home funeral guide Merilynne Rush says, sometimes it feels like she's swimming upstream in her efforts to help people discuss death and face their mortality, which often includes speaking about home funeral and green burial.  I feel you, Merilynne.  But I keep reaching out and doing what I can to get people thinking about these issues.  
On June 26,  I was the featured guest on WBAG's "Meeting Place" with host Olin Campbell.  The show went swimmingly well to keep that metaphor going, and I didn't feel like I was fighting the current!  People were genuinely interested and called in with great questions about home funeral and green burial.  
Here's the interview in its entirety.  I hope you will enjoy it!  

Sara's radio interview